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How Do I Get Help If I Am Being Abusive?

Questioning or beginning to acknowledge that you might be abusive in your relationship is a brave first step. Whether you have noticed this yourself or others have brought it to your attention, checking out this page is a move in the right direction. It is never too late to seek help.

No matter what situation you’re faced with, the resources below offer you many options, including hotlines that can connect you with helpful, fair advocates trained to treat you with respect as you learn to control your abusive tendencies.

These resources can help you

  1. Identify unhealthy behaviors in your relationship.
  2. Come up with healthier alternatives and better strategies to calm down when conflicts occur.
  3. Take more responsibility for your own actions.

You can learn to have a healthier, happier, non-abusive relationship. You have a choice about whether or not to change. But the only person you have control over is you.

Some Initial Steps to Consider

Where to Get Help

Help for Abusive Partners  - From The National Domestic Violence Hotline
This very comprehensive website has loads of information about intimate partner abuse. This particular page provides information about referral sources, hotline numbers and online chat options, along with what it is like to speak with advocates at 1-800-799-SAFE (7233).

Can I Stop Being Abusive?  - From Love is Respect
This site also offers a great deal of information about abusive relationships, including information about healthy relationship, quizzes, and downloadable materials for both perpetrators and victims. Hotline, texting, and online chatting options are also available 24/7 in English and in Spanish.

By Silvia Echevarria-Doan, PH.D. LMFT, LCSW
Founder & Therapist, The Alma Therapy Institute, LLC in Gainesville, FL
Associate Professor, Emeritus, Counselor Education, University of Florida


Love is Respect. (n.d.). Get help for yourself: Can I stop being abusive? Retrieved from

National Domestic Violence Hotline. (n.d.). Help for abusive partners. Retrieved from

Return to Topic: Intimate Partner Violence and Abuse